I Did It My Way - The goal of the Mentor-Mentee relationship

I was counseling a colleague through a professional situation a few weeks ago and she said “I just wish I was more like you.” My heart sank and I thought “Oh no, I’ve done this all wrong.” This got me thinking about the mentor-mentee relationship. That moment made me realize that mentorship isn’t about shaping someone into your image—it’s about helping them trust their own.

A mentee should not be a carbon copy of yourself. These relationships should be collaborative in which both parties are learning and growing.

A mentor should pave a path for others to grow into their own individual (professional or otherwise). It’s about creating space for trust, accountability, and growth. What a privilege it is to work with somebody in a way that you can both lean on each other for support and guidance.

Mentors share experience without it being directive instruction. This is not about creating a map for the mentee but instead more about presence. A mentor doesn’t provide answers but instead creates space for thinking (I don’t always get this one right). This means sometimes combating your own feelings and nature to try and solve problems. I recall times of being at the fork in the road where there are multiple solutions for a colleague and I had to step back and ask what felt most aligned for them. They chose differently than I would have, and it worked. Ask better questions. Learn to sit with silence. Allow someone to struggle safely. The goal is creating confidence.

Mentees, on the other hand, are not passive recipients of wisdom. A strong mentee shows up with curiosity, honesty, and a willingness to reflect. They do the work between conversations. They decide what advice to carry forward and what to leave behind. Mentorship only works when mentees take ownership of their growth rather than outsourcing it.

This relationship is both temporary and everlasting. Eventually, every good mentorship reaches a shift where conversations become less frequent and advice becomes less necessary. The relationship transforms. Letting the relationship change is often the final act of good mentorship. What remains is respect, and often, a quiet sense of shared history.

Mentorship matters not because it shapes outcomes, but because it shapes how people learn to think, decide, and trust themselves. If mentorship has taught me anything, it’s that the greatest success isn’t being followed – it’s being outgrown.

To those who have mentored me, thank you! And to anyone I have had the pleasure of mentoring, be like Sinatra and do it your way. I would expect nothing less!

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all, and I stood tall

And did it my way

My Way, Frank Sinatra